The reason why I hate feeling it is because it is completely the opposite of what I am looking for in this life: a feeling of peace. I know the only way for me to reach happiness is by expecting nothing from this life, from anyone, but Alloh The Almighty God. But, it.. it makes me expecting happiness. something that I know will never happen, or if it does, it won't last forever.
oh.. it is really true when Ibn Qoyyim rahimahullah states it is a disease. a deadly disease for heart. the kind of disease which is able to harden your heart.
I used to be a happy trash bin, but now.. I am a sad trash bin. Maybe, I used to receive good deeds because I am a happy trash bin, but now... it gives me nothing but sadness, worry, and probably sin.
Oh, how I want to stop feeling it.
Currently trying to reduce it by reading islamic books about heart and soul, quite helpful sih.
hahahaha mangat nid you pasti bisa, luvv.
