Today, I learnt
07.31.00
Hi, blog!
I am so emotionally exhausted right now, mau tidur aja. Tapi gak boleh. Today I was so happy with being around my bestfriends, tapi pulangnya di jalan yha seperti biasa I cry somehow somewhat memikirkan kehidupan. Jadi, apa yang gue rasakan hari ini harus didokumentasikan sekarang juga agar kedepannya gue tidak jatuh ke lubang yang sama (yakin?!).
Today, I learnt more about my self:
no matter how many turret I have destroyed, no matter how many enemies I have killed, no matter how long I distract my self with mobile legend (i know it sounds terrible), I will always be the kind of girl with deep feeling, deep affection.
I started the game because I am inspired with how my guy friends don't give a f towards life. They spend hours with games, worry less about life and stuffs. But apparently, it doesn't work on me. I can not put my "things" in a separated boxes. My mind is wired, everything is connected to one another. once it crumbles, everything does.
Today, I learnt more about my self:
My new addiction to game is not that great as an escape of life. because human being simply can't escape life.
Today, I learnt more about my self:
Being close to God is all I need lah!
Today, I learnt more about my self:
It is not a new thing, but I know the only reason why I don't want to be a doctor is because I will always cry to see someone/something in pain. I always cry. Always.
Today, I learnt more about my self:
Am not that kind as a human being, actually. I didn't have the gut to take care of stray cat just because I can't see it in pain. There are a lot of great people who actually want to help. And I am glad to know them. /will post about it in different post insya Alloh/
Today, I realized:
- I have no place.
- I do not want to compete with anyone anymore.
- I am so stupid because I know how awful and terrible it felt, how I ended up broken, but I still do it. It is more idiot than stupid anw.
Today, I asked more to my self:
- What do you expect?
- Why are you so stupid?
- Why don't you realize?
- Why don't you give up?
- WHY ARE YOU TRYING SO HARD?
Saaadly,
The boiling frog is now boiling herself. Maybe she has done it all the time.
Yaudahlah daripada sedih berkepanjangan, main game lagi aja. #sesat
Byelah!
Xx.
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