Letter of June
08.42.00
Dear me,
I want to thank you for all the things that you have done in life for the past twenty four years. I remember how you used to be a tiny little girl in Kindergarten who was always wondering why your friends had not been able to read book while you started reading at 3. You were a very shy girl, I remember. You did not like to play with your friends. You maintained your circle very small in order to gain inner peace.
Then, life brings you ups and downs, it hits you to the bottom and darkest side, yet you always manage to give the best for your surrounding. You always accept anything this world offers you, you never fight back. You just love people so much, no matter what they've done to you, you know they are as miserable as you (or worse). No matter how bad they treat you, they always have the good side in your eyes.
However, life has made you building a wall between yourself and the rest of the world. a wall made of tears and pain. a wall that makes you love being alone more and more each day. you are two different people at both side of the wall. At one side, you never cried. At another side, you always cry. Yet, you never shared the key of your wall to anyone.
Nid, if I am another person, what I adore the most about you is: your big big big heart.
How can a person's heart contains so much of love whilst life has thrown billion knives to it? How can you not hate anyone for a bit even when they have been hurting you so badly? Your heart always manages to convert all your life pains into something wonderful: a greater love to others.
Right now, life might confuse you to the bone. You are wondering why, how, and why again. Another how-ifs and what-ifs are filled your mind. You think that life is playing with your feeling and fooling you again and again. Huge part of you want to step back, getting in your wall, avoiding everyone and everything. Weirdly, the feeling to protect your heart is so intense right now, it makes you panicked because deep inside you know one thing: you somehow give your trust and the key to your dark dark world.
Nid, if there is one thing I can ask you in this new age: do not hold your heart back.
Get out of your zone. Yes, it looks scary. It looks like you are going to fail again. it looks like you are going to get hurt again. but, do not think about it. just let everything be. just do it. learn to trust again. I know you want it, I know you're happy with it. Thus, do not fool your self around. Do not hold back just because you are afraid. Things might not always be miserable to you. Just because you have been hurt before, doesn't mean you will always be again. Do not think what the future will be like. Do not create any expectation, do not plan, just enjoy today and the moment.
But, Nid, if things will end up as bad as you thought it would be, remember that: at least, you have learnt to open up yourself again, after a very long time. at least, you have won from the battle within your own fear. you have get out of your sad room, embracing life ahead. letting another human to see another side of your wall.
And, if things will end up as bad as you thought it would be, remember that: whatever is meant for you will always reach you even it is between two mountains.
"You are an impossibly awesome collision of overcome obstacles. Constant revisions and all the best reason to get out of the bed. Your heart is the best book that I've read"
And, if things will end up as bad as you thought it would be, remember that: whatever is meant for you will always reach you even it is between two mountains.
"You are an impossibly awesome collision of overcome obstacles. Constant revisions and all the best reason to get out of the bed. Your heart is the best book that I've read"
Love yourself. Consider your feelings.
After all these 24 years, you deserve to be happy. You will always do. You will be happy, eventually.
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