Can being nice make you depressed?
00.24.00I've read an article titled "How being nice can make you depressed", here it is:
There is such a thing as being too nice, too giving and too caring.
To
overcome depression you must stop the habit of bending over to gain
people’s approval. I know, it’s easier said than done. But no one said
it’d be easy…
Those
who are affected by depression tend to be people-pleasers. And yet,
ironically, quite often they are viewed by others as selfish and
self-centered…
For
over three decades I believed in that crap myself. I believed I was
selfish and self-involved. I was convinced I had nothing to offer. I
also thought that it didn’t matter what I thought. That my opinion was
less important than anyone else’s. It seemed as if I was always living someone else’s life.
Finally, after two major brain seizures caused by a suicide attempt, I stopped living someone else’s life and looked deep within…
Someone Else’s Life
I was the child who was “too young to understand things” and therefore to make decisions. My life was run by the grown ups, who weren’t able to see the serious damage caused by the primitive belief such as; “children should be seen but not heard.”
Finally, after two major brain seizures caused by a suicide attempt, I stopped living someone else’s life and looked deep within…
Someone Else’s Life
I was the child who was “too young to understand things” and therefore to make decisions. My life was run by the grown ups, who weren’t able to see the serious damage caused by the primitive belief such as; “children should be seen but not heard.”
Then
later, I became an young adult, clinging to any guy who’d find anything
whatsoever appealing in me. At that time my looks seemed to have the
only value in the eyes of others.
I
wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I am. I was a “slave” to anyone who was
willing to have me in their life. The fear of rejection always steered
my thoughts into the direction that led others to benefit from it more
than I did.
How
tiring was that! How exhausting it is having to constantly put others
before your own self! And how little reward you get at the end of it…
All
this, so you can can keep deluding yourself that someone cares about
you, at least enough to stick around. For a while, at least…. ’till they
get tired of it.
Then
what do you do when the inevitable happens and when they leave? You
blame yourself, of course. Consciously, or subconsciously, your already
low self-esteem gets reinforced. It spirals downward in a lightening
speed and you get even more depressed, thinking that there is no
tomorrow for you…
Well, there is. And it’s a bright one, too!
You’ve
heard the phrase: “You teach people how to treat you” but you’ve
ignored it so far. Maybe because when you did try to stand up for
yourself it always seemed to have back fired. You might even had finally
snapped and told others to fuck off, which they deserved to hear, only
to find yourself being labeled as too aggressive and not “lady-like.”
Well
dear, who the fuck gives a damn? Who cares what others think and, or
say? Let me just remind you – it shouldn’t be you. There is only one
person in this entire world whose opinion should matter to you, and that
is YOU and you ONLY.
There is only one person in this entire Universe that needs your pleasing, and that person is you.
There is only one person who needs your caring the most, and yes, you’ve guessed it – it’s you again.
Just
remember this: if you care too much – others will care too little… If
you remain too available – others will always remain too busy for you.
Without even being apologetic about it, people will always make you wait
for them, making you feel as if your time is not nearly as valuable as
theirs. You get the picture…
You
will encounter resistance from those around you when you start making
those long-overdue changes, but that’s OK. Have fun with it. See that
sense of amusement on their faces and that sense of disbelief… Stare
back at them without blinking.
Be prepared to deal with the consequences of having the courage to do what’s right for you.
In your mind let go of the fear of not having that job in case your
boss decides to fire you. Maybe it means it’s time to do something else
for a living.
Be ready to let go of your significant other if s/he continues to refuse to treat you in a new, more loving and respectful way.
Make
yourself OK with being alone for now. Make yourself comfortable with
being with… YOU. Get to know yourself. Find out exactly what your needs
and desires are and then become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be
selfish. They’ve accused you of it so many times before, now it’s time
for you to show others how selfish you can really be! Show them that you
mean business…
Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It’s time to release it.
Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone.
----------
I read the article twice. Two weeks ago and just now.
Two weeks ago, I read that with a sad feeling inside of me, affected by environment. And yes, you can guess, I completely agreed with the article. I thought I was going to give up being nice, and i wanna just be a fuck-off lady who doesn't give any damn to people around.
But then, I read the article just now with a fine feeling.
And I disagree.
I mean, being nice is not something I do to please others. Being nice is a need for my own self. I just love being nice, eventho I sometimes am not. I don't care whether people will treat me nice back or not.
And yup, there is no such as thing as being too nice. We all are just nice, not too nice. Because sometimes, we are selfish too. But that's okay because we all are a human afterall. We seek for love, we seek for acceptance, we hate, we are angry, etc. But that doesn't mean we have to stop being nice.
So, if any of you have felt depressed just because you think you are being too nice to people, it's okay. You are a human, afterall. But do not make yourself suffered much. Stay cool. Stay alive. Release the feeling. Stand up for yourself. Speak up. Love yourself. Keep going. Keep being nice!
Afterall, Being nice is a happiness. And happiness is a parfume you can not pour on others while not pouring on yourself first :)
//Khoirunnida tumben lagi bener,
Abis ke madinah agency beli buku Fiqh wanita&Taman-taman orang yang jatuh cinta dan memendam rindu-nya Ibn Qoyyim Al-Jauziyyah//
//WKWKWK//
0 komentar