It came back.
02.24.00
Well, one thing I have to learn in this new year is to avoid looking back on my past. I did not think everything would be almost one-hundred percent the same as what I expected it to be. I know it sounds weird but... tho I expected it all to be like this, I did wish it would turn out opposite. Now is very a breath taking moment of my life.
I don't know. my life seems as it runs on a right path right now. I have achieved some of my dreams, working in the field I love, just got another freelance job (again) in the new field I haven't experienced before, finally having my another paper to write, planning to join a conference in a particular country this year, preparing my master degree, attending spiritual events regularly etc.
But at the same time, I am personally crumbled into pieces. My personal life turned to be so very bad. I think I destroy my own life by not being able to leave my past. And most importantly, by not being able to maintain any human relationship. I know it is me who creates my own problem. I blame no one but my self.
God, this intense feeling of emptiness is killing me. I don't even know if it is a right reaction for my self to be scared by this or is it just me who overreacts. I am not sure about this, not even about my self.
At this moment, I am not saying that I don't be grateful for what God has blessed me for. It is just that.... I am empty.
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