This is my life.

04.31.00


Just got home! After a whole day taking IELTS test, I am emotionally (and physically) drained. I never thought it would consume much energy like this. I was sooooooo effin stupid /starts crying/. Well, it was not as worst as my mapres interview nor APEX presentation. It's less worse than it but still.. it was baaad.

First, I really was confident enough with my listening and reading answers. But, too bad, I did not fill the year blank on my answer sheet. When the controller was about to collect it, I realized my stupidity and immediately raised my hand to ask whether I can shade the blank or not but he answered "Sorry, no" with a straight look in my eyes. How if my answer sheet will not be assessed?! There, I realized.. my future is likely going to be not okay.

Second, I was not that good or that bad in speaking test but... I was not as dumb as I was in mapres interview so I thought it was okay lah. Until I realized I mistaken the meaning of "countryside". When the interviewer asked me about countryside I've ever visited, I mentioned Jogjakarta. (Why on earth do you have to haunt me for like ever, Jogja?!). There, I realized.. my future is likely going to be worse than just not okay.

This is a very important moment in my life. This ain't just an IELTS test. This affects my whole life timeline and it is scary to realize that it will not run the way I planned it to be. 

But, this is my life, right? I am not supposed to feel like I am run down by time. There is no the true time to have master degree, to marry, to have kids, bla bla bla. This is my life. I am the one who does what God has destined me. 

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