As the exponential growth of my age, a lot of thoughts about marriage hit my brain. The expectation of my family, the sharia laws, and my own desires are made into a collision in my universe of mind. It is just so..... annoying sometimes. I always try to put my religion above anything else in deciding sometimes. Well, my own desires are aligned with sharia laws, too. But, there's something that has to be considered too.

I don't know why they think that I am going to choose a poor life just because I choose sharia law. I mean, can't you see how many muhsinin are blessed with richness? But then again, I am not a materialistic girl. But I also am a realistic one. I've told you all that I am concerned with what you all want, and I am thankful for your all concern with my marriage. I just want you all to.... at least let me choose my own man. I'm not gonna be that stupid......

And not only that, I an now in the state when I am afraid when men are approaching me. I mean, that's just so scary. I am afraid of failure. And I just don't wanna have any logical bond before marriage. I.... just wanna graduate now. And then, submitting scholarship and hopefully they will let me study abroad with someone. But then again, that's a Disney movie for me. So now, I just wanna graduate and pursue my dreams and.... when I'll be around 24, I'll just look for the right one.

I don't know how many times I have ignored people who try to go into my life. I am so sorry.... I am just afraid I will have the bond before marriage that will lead me heartbroken at the end.

Dear Alloh, Sometimes it feels like a movie for me. Sometimes i dont even know how I can meet the right one for me when I am ignoring 99% of guys who talk to me. But then again, I always believe in You. I'm just doing my best and let you do the rest.cMarriage is not a final destination. It's just a ship to reach your jannah. And there's nothing I can wish beside I will have a ship leading to your jannah & everyone i love are happy with that. Besides, I don't know, maybe I will never taste any marriage because I will die first.

And dear whoever you are, sorry for calling you mas-mas PhD all the time. I dont define you strictly as a PhD, tho. It's just fun to use that term, LOL. Go catch your dreams, I will catch mine. And let's meet somewhere, sometimes.

Jakarta,
A 7th term information system student.
Still not in a good friendship with Supply chain management.