Just read a nice article on my facebook feed.
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/forgotten-childhood-traumas-wcz/

This really got me contemplating. I've read and watched things like this before. And all those articles and videos tell me that what happened in my past will kinda impact my future.
It scared me to the bone. I was afraid I would fail in life just because of that darkness.

But as I grow older and older, become more mature, I realize that past really makes me who I am today. And who nida today is completely not the same as nida thousand days ago. Because I am constructed with many things. With my belief, my ideology, my environment, my family, my past, my today, my goals, my orientation, etc. So, the thing is, I am not made ONLY by my past. You are not ONLY made by your past.

I am more positive than who I was yesterday. because I have God in my heart, i have guidance, i am not a lone wolf.


I do find people who kinda have same problems choosing to carry that weighted bag like forever. They refuse to throw it away. They perceive the bag as one of their organs.
Yes, sometimes it feels easier to stay in our cage, be sad, eaten by the darkness, sleep on our bed with tears everynight, feeling like we don't deserve to be loved at all.
But we can't stay like that! we have to get out of our cage and see the world! we have to find that there are so many people outside who love us. so many people outside who have worse problems than us, and be thankful to God, then. We all deserve to be loved. We all do.
And to be loved by people means that we have to love our self first.

I know, I literally know, that eventho you have removed that bag, still there will come a time when you feel like being lonely again somehow. But you can't be eaten by such as a feeling every time. It's okay to cry and be sad, but drown in tears are not okay anymore for you.

Another thing relate to the post I mentioned, if you have spouse with this kinda trauma, you need to understand his/her fully with your heart.
If you do have spouse who still caries the bag, please do give her/him love and encourage them to throw it all away. Not everyone can do this easily. It needs time and pure love to do that.
And if your spouse might not carry the bag anymore, please notice that the past might not haunt them again, but still.. she/he is constructed by the past, too.

I actually don't know if there's any proven theories to support what I wrote here. But this is what I believe. Well, it works on me ;-)

I just hope that whoever you are who face this will be happier than before. Remember, you've got Alloh with you. Insya Alloh :) If you wanna tell your stories, just contact me by email.